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I have a really hard time getting my brain to focus on the positive. It’s like instinctively and likely habitually it will seek to point out everything that needs to be fixed, cleaned or done. This is especially true at home when I’ll look into the fridge and notice all the vegetables that need to be cut and prepared or notice the chocolate finger prints along my white cabinets just begging to be wiped clean. 

I’m so used to being in a state of ‘doing’ that I have forgotten what it feels like to be ‘done’. To have that moment where you sigh and look around and think, “Yup everything is in order and now I can relax”. I keep waiting for such a moment and year after year and child after child it feels more like a distant memory. 

I struggle with having an achiever’s mindset and yet being present. My method to accomplish things has been to do so with a ‘no holds barred’ attitude. So much that I tend not to pay attention to physical sensations of fatigue or hunger, I’ll just keep pushing on. 

There are glimmers these days where I feel what being present is like. Just the other day when I noticed my sons’ playing playdough. Trying to ignore the fact that they were using our couch as the ‘oven’ for the cookies and pushing to the back of my mind how difficult it was going to be to clean u the tiny dried bits of play dough, I decided instead just to watch them. I saw how engrossed they get in their little heads and the little one following the big one around like his constant shadow. It was a minute, maybe seconds if I’m actually truthful but it was beautiful

This is the push pull of motherhood or life in general. Trying to be task oriented and accomplish things that might be heavy and hard while at the same time pausing to take in moments that are too precious to put in words. It’s catching yourself when you are reiterating in your head your constant never ending to do list or shopping list, believing stupidly that somehow you are making a dent in your work load by just thinking about it. Yet we all do it don’t we. We live in our heads, convincing ourselves that we don’t have enough time because who ever does

The funny thing that I’m learning is that we have time, lots of time to slow down our breathing and actually look or listen to the things that make us happy all around us. We just chose to focus on the “doing” because that’s what we have trained our bodies and minds to do

So maybe the moral of the story is that accomplishing your dreams and being ‘present’ in life are certainly not mutually exclusive. In fact, I’m quite convinced by staying ‘out of your head’ you will do more while at the same time have plenty of time to enjoy all that you have done. 

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